Core team of role models

I believe everyone should have a role model. A role model that one can look up to, get inspired from, learn from and in the process improve our self. A role model helps us excel in our life as well. People usually have such a role model, at least in the beginning years of their formation.  These role models can be religious figures, historical figures, business figures, sportsman, scientists, fictional figures or someone you might know personally. This is a very simple and easy way to keep improving and keep excelling in life. Life without inspiration seems very drab and uninteresting.

But one of the common consequences of  having a single role model is that we set high expectations for our role model not only in their field of achievement, but in all aspects of life. We want them to play exemplary roles in all areas of life. Those expectations eventually leads to disappointment. In today’s media savvy world, this affects the individual who is serving as a role model as well. If he/she is a public figure everyone starts setting expectations in all the roles of his/her life. And if he/she doesn’t live up to it, then it leads to public humiliation and possibly being outcast as well. Because of these failures from our role model, we loose the motivation to be inspired and to inspire as well. Suddenly we loose our trust in the fact there can be inspirational people in life who can serve as role models. Everyone seems to be a hypocrite, and we loose interest in inspired by anyone. The flaw is that we cannot expect our role models to excel in all the aspects of life. They are “role models” :  people who can serve as exceptional examples in a specific role; people who have excelled in a specific role or field. We need to confine them to that role.

As an example when I think of art I think of Van Gogh. But he is not a role model in any other aspect of life. Infact he lived in a mental asylum.

When I think of peace and compassion, I think of Gautama Buddha. But he is hardly a role model when it comes to family life.

When I think of business shrewdness, I think of the Ambani’s. But they hardly serve as role models for being eco-friendly.

First I identify the areas I want to improve and excel. Then I find a person who is one of the best in that field. That person sets the benchmark for that field, and serve as the role model in that field. Having this person as a role model in that specific field, helps us to strive towards meeting or exceeding that benchmark. Hence it helps us excel in that field.

So it is not enough to have a single role model. We should have a team of such role models. Naren calls these people as “Invisible Counselors”. My team consists of these following people -

When it comes to communication, my role models would be “Zig Zaglar”.

When it comes to exercising, my role model is “Rocky Balboa”.

When it comes to relationship and self-improvement, my role model is “Naren”.

So whenever I feel lazy to go exercise, I consult Rocky. He yells to move my lazy bum and go do the workout. I do not look at Rocky for improving  my communication. I just look at him as an inspiration and counselor when it comes to physical fitness. I am forming my core team of role models and invisible counselors. Are you?

Forgiveness – A way to peace and enjoyment.

In this modern world everything seems to be a race, and competition. I literally mean everything is a competition or comparison – who has the latest gadget, has popular friends, has the cool job, has the nice house, visits trendy restaurants. I do not mean to say all people do that for these reasons, but for many people that is the root reason if evaluated deeply. People devalue each other, and hurt others due to this myopic view of life and this world. People seek success in everything, and do not have a second thought to tread on everyone’s head to get there. My first thought is stay away from these people if I can. I do not wish to be a part of every rat race. In cases where I cannot stay away, I have to just accept it. No matter what the reasons, there will be some people’s actions which will hurt us. We can end up holding a grudge, or resentment, or hatred towards someone.

This feeling of hatred that gets kindled in our heart, and remains alive in our heart eats away our peace and compassionate nature. It creeps from our heart into our mind and alters our perspective towards everything. We become grudgy and become bitter in every relationship. We loose the capacity to enjoy the company of other people. We get more and more confined into our own world, and become depressed. We loose interest in life. In the end we ought to remember man is a social animal, and needs friends and needs to be a friend to others too. Grudge causes stress, as you focus more on negativity. Suddenly everything and everyone seems bitter and selfish. You get drowned up in your own bitterness. This stress and fretting affects your mental health and physical health too.

The only way to get out of this is to forgive. We need to recognize the value of forgiveness. By forgiving, we are freeing ourselves from the control that the situation or other person has over us. In between the hater and the hated, it is always the hater who is hurt more. Through forgiveness, we free ourselves of the role of the hater. The definition of your life is not based on your hatred towards someone anymore. It brings back peace in your heart and life. You will be more compassionate and life will suddenly seem to be more interesting and exciting. You will enjoy the company of other people, and you will look forward to each day, and to meeting new people. It will lower your stress level. It will open your heart to new things and new experiences. To forgive is to let go of the resentment, and to change. It can be tough to take the first step to change, to forgive. But if you not only understand, but realise the value of forgiveness then it might be easier to take the first step to change yourself to forgive someone.

Change and me

I have been thinking hard about changes, and I was also talking to my wife about “CHANGE” – Change in lifestyle, in thoughts, in actions. But why change? – I believe if I want to better my life I need to keep changing continuously. If I think that I don’t need change anymore than probably I am resisting change, or I am living the life of a vegetable – not contemplating, not realizing what are the things that can be improved. This, I believe, is true for everyone. Unfortunately life is not like an Engineer’s slogan – If it ain’t broken don’t fix it. Life should be a continuous spiral of realizations and improvements and changes. Don’t get me wrong – It should be about retaining things that work as well. But I refuse to accept that there is any individual’s life which is perfect and requires no further changes.

Here is a simple exercise if you think you don’t need to change -  Ask your friends, family, colleagues, manager as to what is the change that they would like to see in you. I am sure they will not be short of ideas. Everyone has an understanding of how everyone else should change and they want everyone else around to change. But many people are unwilling to accept they need to change or are unwilling to change themselves. I am no stranger to this as well. Naren said in an email to me, that you can spend pages and hours together discussing and analysing why people are resistant to changes. But if we realize why people do change, then maybe we can adopt that reasoning to change. So instead of trying to analyse why people are resistant to change, let us understand why some people embrace change and use that to change.

The only reason people embrace change is for things they care the most about. This could be because of a necessity, or could be because they really feel deeply and passionately about something. I am resistant to changes for things that I could care less about. For example if I don’t care about protecting the environment, then I am unwilling to change my habits of polluting, of leaving a larger carbon foot print. I will care more about my comfort and luxury. I am unwilling to change my habit of driving to work, and will not ride a bus since it is a bit of inconvenience to ride the bus than to drive. But if I really want to make a difference in my contribution to the environment, I will take the effort to ride the bus.  Same thing goes with personal life as well. If I really care about a relationship, I will keep making changes in my thoughts & actions to improve that relationship. I am willing to re adjust my priorities, to readjust my schedule just to better that relationship. That is because I care about that relationship.

So if I want a change in some aspect of life, the first thing I need to ask myself is that do I really feel deeply about that aspect of life? If I really feel passionately about that aspect of life then change would be towards fulfillment, and it won’t be a pain anymore. To make a change fulfilling, the first step would be to start caring about and feeling passionately about that aspect of life. Oh, and yeah change is easier if introduced in smaller steps, instead of trying to bring a drastic change. If approached in the right way, then change is energizing.

Chronic illness

For a person with chronic (long-term) illness, everyday becomes a struggle. Especially when the condition flairs. The person not only has to deal with the health condition, but also has to make sure that he/she maintains a balance in all other aspects of his/her life. This is done while the condition demands and saps most of his/her energy – physical and emotional. If the condition affects physical appearance and ability, then he/she has to deal with other people’s perspectives and expectations too. The chronic condition disrupts a person’s life – it affects his life plans, it affects the people around, it changes the persons priorities, it changes his/her perspective towards everything. If something that I cannot control starts affecting my life physically and psychologically, it leads to a feeling of being paralyzed. A person going through chronic illness might feel frustrated (wrongly) at people around as to why they cannot understand him/her, the person might feel disappointed and might loose interest in the things in life. Every person going through this deals with the chronic condition in different ways.

There are two ways in which an illness is approached [1]:

1.    A gloomy perspective of resignation, self-denial, and helplessnes, or
2.    a Pollyanna approach that denies altogether that there has been a real trauma
The resignation viewpoint holds little hope, while the pollyanna approach though useful in social situations holds little reality.

It is important that the person takes conscious effort to improve his outlook towards the condition, towards life and towards everything & everyone around. It is also important to sometimes educate the people around, so that you don’t feel like you are hiding something and hope that people around you understand what you are dealing with.

Why am I writing about chronic illness here? Because I also do not wish to hide it anymore, and wish to educate people around me. I do not want to feel anymore that telling about my condition is a sign of weakness. Yes, I am going through a chronic medical condition, and I can relate to so much of the stuff that is written in the article. I have done the pollyanna approach, and went through confusion, anger, grief, frustration, isolation, acceptance, faith. I have went through cycles of it.

I am going to write a bit about my specific condition here:

Nephrotic Syndrome is a kidney disorder which is characterized by

1. Abnormal protein leak
2. Low levels of proteins in blood (due to protein leakage) Increased levels of lipid
3. Swelling of body parts (called edema).  This includes puffiness of eyes in morning and edema over legs.
4. Hypertension

The term Nephrotic Syndrome is coined from two words: Nephros (in Greek) meaning kidney and Syndrome denoting a group of symptoms.

Nephrotic Syndrome is a set of symptoms related to kidney dysfunction, and not a disease, in and of itself. Nephrotic Syndrome is a disorder characterized by loss of proteins in the urine. In realism, Nephrotic Syndrome can be the first sign of various diseases that damage the kidneys, especially tiny blood-filtering units (glomeruli) in the kidneys, where urine is formed. This causes fall in the protein levels in the blood, and water to move into body tissues, causing swelling and bloating of body (edema/Oedema).

Last, but not the least, here is the dietary recommendations ( that I try to follow, but do miss it many times):

• Reduce sodium intake to 1000-2000 milligrams daily.

• Eat a moderate amount of high protein animal food: 3-5 oz per meal (preferably lean cuts of meat, fish, and poultry)

• Avoid saturated fats such as butter, cheese, fried foods, fatty cuts of red meat, egg yolks, and poultry skin. Increase unsaturated fat intake, including olive oil, canola oil, peanut butter, avocadoes, fish and nuts. Eat low-fat desserts.

• Increase intake of fruits and vegetables. There is no potassium or phosphorus restriction necessary.

• Monitor fluid intake, which includes all fluids and foods that are liquid at room temperature. Fluid management in nephrotic syndrome is tenuous, especially during an acute flare.

[1] – Coping with chronic illness

My half marathon – 2

As resolved, I completed my half marathon. I took 2 hours 11 mins ( chip time) to complete my half marathon. The last 2-3 miles were particularly tough for me, since the last part of the course has a lot of hills and I felt tired by that time. I felt like walking most of it, but I kept motivating myself and pushing myself to run. The encouragement I received from the spectators was also one of the reasons I could keep running. A couple of places, complete strangers came and gave me words of encouragement. Some of my co-runners also pushed me to it. It is interesting that in those times I remembered some of the motivational words from my friends and family and that made me push harder. It was a great feeling of achievement to complete it. Thanks to everyone who encouraged me during the running, and who came all the way to the venue just to encourage me.

My wife got inspired by all the energy and enthusiasm for half marathon, and she decided to do that half walkathon. Without prior training she completed it in 4 hrs 15 mins, just on sheer determination. I am proud of her.

This was my first half marathon, and it taught me a few things. I cut down on my training a lot in the last 3-4 weeks. I thought I should rest myself, but maybe I cut down too drastically. Practice, and understanding your body is the key thing in completing a marathon. I will take these lessons to now aim for a full marathon. Right now I am taking a few weeks off before I get back to training again.
Thanks to everyone who donated for my half marathon. If you still want to donate please visit my page at MyMarathon.